Caramel aka - "Le Petit Price"

Dear Caramel,


I think this will one of the most difficult things I will write in my life thus far in my 51 years on earth. 
You left us on 2 - 12 - 12, when what started out as another weekend for us to Florida, to connect with old friends and connect with nature and to have a much needed break from our jobs; we would learn less than 24 hours later that you had died. We were told that your heart stopped beating and you were gone. 
Our world turned upside down, everything possible stopped, we were trapped in a world of nothingness &  confusion. 


When we left, it was like any other vacation. There was nothing wrong with you as far as we knew and it was just another weekend away, not ever thinking the worse could happen. I told you that we would be gone only for a few days and then we would be home. 


Since you left our world, as we knew it, life has changed with you not being a part of our lives anymore. My daily routine is now different. You are missing from it. 

Even the trees didn't stop you....

As I sit on the terrace at 4:30am drinking my coffee, I look at the spot where you once would lay, the tears flow without even realizing it. Piccola and Frida bring me back to the present when I realize they are near me patting me with their paws not understanding why I'm crying. I wake up some nights and my pillow is wet from tears dreaming of you when you used to be so close to me during the night. You used to lay with your head on my foot at night while watching tv. 


I still feel your presence on the beach when I walk, I feel you close when I am in the house or in my car, I feel you close when I am alone; no matter where I am. 

Always the protector

I don't know how Frida has picked up certain patterns &  habits that you once had. We find this amazing. It's almost as if you are still near living through her. 


When I come home each day, I miss your presence by the gate wagging your tale and your barking of excitement that I'm home; always meeting me with your squeak squeak in your mouth waiting to play. I miss you jumping and the excitement that you always greeted me with each day. The rides in the car with you by my side is missed each time I drive down the road. Your excitement and eagerness to see what is around the next corner will always be a reminder.  The walks on the beach or in the hills will always be remembered. The arrival home from vacation and entering the house with you immediately sitting in front of the suitcase, waiting to see what we brought you from our travels will forever be etched on our memories. 
My wonderful little friend, my confidant, the one I shared my secrets, the one who was always there with unconditional love and loyalty. I didn't see you growing old, I didn't see
you having any problems to know if anything was wrong. Your unconditional love & loyalty to us will always be remembered. 


You were the Little Puppy found on the side of the road near Baie Rouge and I immediately made the statement that  didn't want another dog. Within a mile, you had a name, a date was set for your vaccinations, and a bath was scheduled for the arrival home within a few minutes. You , Caramel became our baby, our little buddy, and our friend for 12+ years. How is it possible that you are no longer with us now but only in memory.  We never saw the future without you. The thought of you not being with us never entered our minds.  


We visit your grave everyday where you once ran and played on the beach. I have photos of where you played and where we placed you for eternity. Each day I visit, the tears come to my eyes and the reality of you not being here replays itself all over again. 


You visited both of our homelands in America and France with Piccola. Your paws touched foreign seas, beaches, rivers and lakes You stepped back in time with us through the things we saw and visited. Your name & Piccola from the Mohegan Tribe became "Travelling Dogs".

France on a Dolmen

You walked on the Champs Elyse, stood below the Eiffel Tower, sat on the steps of Sacre Coure in Paris, You stood below the Arc de Triumph, You went in the freezing cold of Mount Mougel, high on the French Mountain, how cold it was that day, You walked on an old Roman Road where the tracks of the coaches were present. You bit a porcupine and had more quills than I could count when I removed them in upstate New York.  You were with us always.

Le Petit Prince - Caramel

You had a wonderful life and we were thankful for having you in our life. 


My wonderful Little Dog, My Little Prince, My Baby...I will always have a void in my heart where you had so much a part of it. If there is a life after death, I hope that we will be together again. Until then,  I will miss you forever & everMy Little Caramel, My Baby.

My Little Buddy and Piccola

Talking with Phil on the Webcam

The Yucatan has carved its Spirit in my heart forever....

It's been a long time, almost a year since my last post. Alot has happened in my life. Travels to new lands, new home purchases, moving, additional job responsibilities and advancement in position, blah blah blah...

To start, after watching HGTV International on tv, we saw an episode of 2 guys buying a home in the Yucatan Penninsula in a wonderful colonial city hundreds of years old. We fell in love with the architecture, the style of life that was portrayed, the culture and the old colonial homes. Well, after much research we were off to the Yucatan to buy a home. First time there other than watching the tv show. We found the perfect retirement home which is 200+ years old, 16 foot high ceilings, rooms to get lost in and a wonderful internal courtyard. It needs some updating, but it will be a magnificent home when it is completed. The plan is to retire there in a few years. The culture is alive, it is the 3rd safest city in the world and within an hour in any direction there are 1000's of year old Mayan Ruins, pyramids, ceynotes - underwater caves to swim in and explore, temples 125-140 feet high that we climbed to overlook the jungles to see for miles.

I now tell people that "the Yucatan has carved it's Spirit on my heart forever." If a person hasn't experienced the Yucatan and what it has to offer, then you have missed a part of the past that was meant for us to experience.

The Mayan Ruins are each unique in their own way. One doesn't compare to another. Each one has something else to explore with its own history as to why the Mayans spent years building these magnificent sculptures. We climbed to the top of each one and each one had its own spirit. We had travelled to the Yucatan twice in 2 months and both times we climbed the different pyramids.

The Yucatan has beaches of white sand and the weather is over 100 degrees fareinheit each day. The heat is intense! I won't deny myself about the temperatures. The culture is alive, the people are friendly, the food is great and there is so much to see and do each day.

I can write on and on about our experiences in the Yucatan. I look forward to our trip again in April. It will be the first time we spend our vacation in our new home which we named;

"La Mansion del Eterno Amore", which means: "The Mansion of Eternal Love"

We thought the name to be fitting for what it is and our love for each other. One day in the future, it will be our full time home to live out the Eternal Days of Our Love.....

Christmas Time Again....

It's Christmas time again. Wow! A time for celebrations and a time to prepare for another year. Where did this year go? As I reflect on the year, I can't complain. Phil & I are staying positive as always; even with our busy work schedules. The bulk of our "together" time is usually at Captain Oliver's in the evenings. I usually venture to the restaurant to spend time with Phil because Captain Ollie's, (as I call it), has become a big part of our lives. Phil loves what he does and I continue to have my focus and passion on education. Education is where I have always received the greatest joys and rewards. We both have our careers; finally doing what we both enjoy in life.

We travelled together a few times this year to Florida. (Hard to believe I know...lol) Our vacations have allowed us to have fun, laugh, spend time with friends as well as much needed time together. We are learning about our new "home away from home" - Florida. We learned about the Everglades this year going on an Airboat at top speeds, (what a rush!) seeing wildlife including Aligators and exotic plants. We tried typical Floridian Everglades dishes that included: Frog, aligator, shrimp, chicken with chips-fries while we were visiting the Everglades which is superb! We acquired another home in Ft. Myers which is in the historic district, built in 1925. We think the bank left off a few 0's or numbers on the price, but we didn't bring it to their attention...lol
We started furnishing and decorating the first home in Lehigh Acres together. Even though I had been back to the house numerous times after we bought it, I waited for Phil to be with me before even thinking about buying furniture alone. I managed to finally bring the things by truck from NY, driving the entire 1500 miles alone in 2 days to make sure that I would be there to meet Phil on arrival in Ft. Myers back in April.

A purchase of the first of many (I hope) collector cars, this one being an XJ6 Jaguar with 69,000 original miles. Timing wasn't right for the Rolls Royce for Phil, but I'm keeping my eyes out for the perfect one for him. Maybe this year?

Changes in St. Martin this year as well. Phil's dad at 80 years old made a big change in his life by moving to St. Martin full time from France to be closer to Phil and his sister and grandchildren. It's nice to have him closer to us.

As for changes in my family life....it doesn't end! Words cannot describe the noncense. My sister that cannot and doesn't get along with Phil managed to find our location in Florida through People Search and purchased a home 1 mile away. WHY? Her obsession with where my location is doesn't stop to amaze me. I had to tell her to STAY AWAY from our home to prevent her from fighting with Phil and me. Fights would be inevitable with her. She never liked Phil (for her own reasons) and she managed to deliberately buy a home 1 mile away? Strange! Yes! So, I had to make a descision rather strongly to cut myself off from my entire family. Yes, the entire family. Why? Because when one of my family members knows my business, everybody knows my business. Then the trouble begins. The turmoil, fighting, dissagreements, disruptions in my (our) life on and on....So, since I made the choice, our life is quiet, no problems, no fighting, no butting into our life. Basically CALM. Finally. Sad as it sounds, I needed to break away to keep peace in my life. Phil and I don't have problems between us, we have our dissagreements, but, they are minor and the love always wins. With my family, there are always problems and meddling and verbal harassments.

So, here I am with another Christmas when family is suppose to be present in ones life, happiness, love, sharing memories as well as making memories, but, in my life with my family, it is not possible. Am I at a loss? No, my family is at a loss because they don't know how to behave properly and need to learn the meaning of love and family. My family has forced me to separate myself from them due to their inappropriate behaviors. I have come to the descision that they are the ones who will not know my life now or in the future. I don't want to see them, hear from them at all. One would say I am cold, cruel, unforgiving, blah blah blah, but if people knew what they put me as well as us through over the years, there is no place for forgiveness any more. I'm tired. Life is so important to me and when I see people wasting their time to be miserable, I can't be a part of that as sad as it sounds.

Phil and I are together since 1996 and starting another year in our life, another year for adventure, another year to journey through our life. Another year of the unknown. Another year of the unexpected and the unknown. Love always wins in my life. I am the luckiest person to be alive because of Phil entering my life. He's the most important person in this world to me. He's my shining star. Il est l'amour de ma vie, mon étoile qui brille!

Good Bye, "Our Little Piglet"

When I left St. Maarten on the 6th of July, it never entered my
mind that I would never see you again. You were a little dog that
came into our lives when we didn't need the responsibility of another "little mouth to feed". But, we took you in and how I grew attached to you. You became my little admiration because you were always within the reach of my hand. When I would lay on the couch reading, your head was always on my shoulder, looking at me with love in your eyes. When I was in the pool, your head would always be overhanging the ledge of the pool staring at me. When you ate with your paws around your dish, you would always look left or right to see if I were close to you. You were always by my side when it was time for the 3-4 walks each day into the nights and early mornings before the sun came up over the ocean. You did your "business" and was always first to return to my side while the others were doing their thing. How you would get so excited for the treats and special food on Sunday nights when Phil was off from work. You would eat so much, it was hard for you to breath and you would snort like a little pig which is how you got the name "our little piglet". You were never demanding.
How I wish I could turn the clock back to the 6th of July. I'm so sorry my little friend and I will miss you so much. I am sad today and my heart is hurting and will be for a long time. My tears fall for you unexpectedly and today, I had to leave the room 3 times so nobody would see my pain and my tears. As I write this tribute to you, my face is wet with tears because you are gone and will be missed forever.
I have your collar in the glove compartment of my truck and it will stay there so I have a part of you along side of me, even in death.
"Daddy Phil" is hurting my little friend because his pain and hurt for you is strong. He blames himself for making the descision of taking you to the vet for safe keeping while he joined me in Florida. He didn't know that the veternarian would be so careless with your safety. He didn't mean it. His intentions were good! You were afraid, and ran away, I think. You were lost and in the process, someone chose to NOT care and you were hit. I can only hope that the end was quick and you didn't suffer. I believe in Destiny and I also believe that Destiny is not always fair.
You are gone forever and I will miss you so much my little friend.
You were and always will be, "Our Little Piglet" Rest in Peace My Little Bobby Lee, I'm sorry!

Bobby Lee, aka-Piglet, aka-Little Baloon

I don't know where to start. I decided to go to Florida for the month of July and the first week of August. I felt after the long school year that I had, I just needed some down time. I can honestly say, even though I was alone for most of the time other than when our friend Jane joined me for 9 days of fun and sun, and then Phil joined me unexectedly for 1 week of more fun and sun. We finally found someone to watch our house and pups which allowed Phil some time to get away also. Phil thought that it would be easier for the person to only watch 2 dogs rather than 4 and decided to take Happy and Bobby Lee to the vet for the week that he would join me in Florida, leaving Caramel and Piccola at home. Bobby Lee is and never was a problem for anybody, but, 2 dogs are easier to take care of than 3.
We arrived home on Sunday the 9th of August and I went to pick up Bobby Lee and Happy at the vet on Monday, 10th of August where they had been boarded for the week. I was told by the vet that he "had some bad news for me, that Bobby Lee had been stolen from the front of the vet office while they were cleaning the cages". Apparently, the vet attaches the dogs in the sun to spikes in the ground while his staff cleans the cages. Nobody was watching the dogs in the front. I told Phil and the search has begun. We have put flyers on both the Dutch and French sides of the island, a good and dear friend Barbara has contacted her friends on Facebook as well as here on the island to inform them of what happened and they are all searching for Bobby Lee also. Phil has gone on the radio to explain the situation on air, over 100 flyers have been posted publically, newspaper has posted photos and info about Bobby Lee. I've even gone to "gang members" today in French Quarter to ask them for help in finding her. We are offering a reward as well.
I'm not a woos by no means, but, my heart is broken. I've cried unexpectedly during the days and the tears have fallen down my cheeks more than they have in 5 years. I cry myself to sleep hoping that whoever has her or had her hasn't hurt her in any way or if they still have her that they are not abusing her. This is a beautiful island, but, there are people who don't like dogs and dogs have been taken to never be seen again. I try not to think of the worst, but, the thoughts do enter my mind. At times, I am optimistic and other times, I feel as though I have done something terribly wrong to have lost this animal for no reason.
The last time I saw "My Little Piglet" (because when it is hot, she snorts like a pig to breath), was on Monday, the 6th of July. I'm sure that she was already confused that I wasn't around to walk her, feed her play with her and just be there when she lays her head on my arm while I am reading a book.
I am sad, my heart is breaking and I want her back at home where she belongs. I feel as though I too, have abandonned her.
I don't know how people can cope losing something they love so much to people who will never take care of her as we did. Already she has been through so much in her short life of already being abandonned 2 years ago when we found her. Now stolen just for the sake of having a beautiful dog, not caring of what these thieves are doing to the dog or to us emotionally. There are so many dogs & puppies that need homes on this island, why do people continue to steal dogs that are already owned by others?
We hope and wish each day that we get her back safely and as soon as possible. I will never forget this vacation of July 2009 with the memories and loss of My Little Piglet. I am so sorry Bobby Lee. If there is a God, please make sure that the person or persons that have her will find it in their hearts to call us and bring her back to us where she belongs.

Dilemmas, Descisions, Regrets, how to proceed....?

I'm Blogging again in the same week. Wow! This time, I write because of dilemmas, possible regrets, once a descision has been made. We try to make our loved ones happy in the process of giving something up, making concessions, as well as "sometimes" leaving others behind and moving on. The old saying goes, "we can choose our friends, but, we can't choose our families." My family isn't perfect by no means and we have certainly pissed each other off, fought, got angry with each other over the years, but, we always manage to move on, forget and most of the time forgive. My problem is a serious one this time...My sister Millie, (left in the picture) my other sister Kathy, (right in the picture) have this "thing" about Phil. They are not sure of him since I met him and believe me, if people in my family were going to judge people, it would be these two. Kathy, on right, is not trustworthy and she has the ability to smile, make believe, and give the impression she likes you, when deep down judgements are racing through her head about you. NOT very nice qualities in a "human being" if I were to judge. Millie on the other hand, on left, let's you know straight up that she doesn't like you or she will do her best to "inconvience you" to the utmost to her potential. She has certainly inconvienced Phil & myself over the 14 years that Phil & I have been together. We had a home next door to Millie in upstate NY when we realized afterwards that we had made a mistake being so close to family. Interference, trouble, name dropping, fighting, dissagreements, sarcasm, inuendos, verbal harassment, usually addressed to Phil never wanting to accept him in my life no matter my happiness with him. (blinded) So, Phil & I made the descision to go back to St. Martin after the 8 month break. Things were never the same between them anymore. So, Phil & I decided years later to buy homes in Florida, away from everybody, mostly my family and mainly my two sisters. We chose Lee County where neither one of us had ever been, never visited, not knowing a single person in this area. We found a small community outside of Ft. Myers where we wouldn't be bothered. However, thanks to people search, my sister Millie, on left, mangaged to find us, our home address, community etc. Guess What....? She bought a home 1 mile away on the golf course. Well, there goes our "safe haven". The thoughts of anticipation of what she is capable of, is already over-whelming. A repeat of upstate New York is the fear more than anything. Our secret garden has been violated which is not a good feeling. The obsession she has to interfere in our life is unbearable! Crazy? Obsessed? Me? I have no idea. So, a descision has to be made. If I talk with her if she comes around, does that violate my love for Phil & does that leave the door open for possible future harassment when Phil is here? or Will she respect our space when we are here together and avoid the house and our time here? or Do I avoid her, tell her to stay away that I want nothing to do with her anymore? My dilemma is that because she is my sister 62, almost 63, do I keep contact with her, keep her in my life and put my foot down that she HAS NO CHOICE, but to STAY AWAY from both of us? Regrets are and will be what they are in the future and we all have them. I explained the situation with my very dear friend and neighbor, Fran here in Florida. She was walking her dog yesterday morning and our morning routine is to drink our coffee on the street every morning while she walks her dog, Amodeus. She was in tears and told me that she would "give her life to have just 5 minutes back with her mom, brother, sister and husband" who all died within the last 3 years. She told me that I was a fool to give family up to avoid having a problem with Phil. She told me that "he needs to adjust, not deal with my family if he doesn't want to and to let me see my family on my terms."
So, I'm confronted with a situation that needs to be rectified so nobody will be hurt emotionally, keep the peace in my house and life with Phil, and make sure that I don't say in the future, "what if I had done this differently & how should I have handled this problem?" Our families are what they are, but, Phil is my life and I don't want to hurt anybody......What to do, What to do.....? We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our families! I've been dealing with this for years and I'M TIRED of trying to make everybody happy! I'M TIRED, DAMN IT, I'M TIRED!!!!!!!! Any advise to help me to proceed?

July in Florida

Well, here I am again in Florida Blogging. It seems that as time goes on, the only time I have to Blog is in Florida. The last time was April. Am I busy or what...? LOL

I'm here alone this trip working "primarily" on house #2. It was going to be a "joint project", but, Phil's schedule doesn't allow him to get away this time being that his assistant went back to France unexpectedly? I think it was planned for her to work 2 months and earn money for her transportation back to France. But, that's just my idea of what she did to Phil. He's inconvienienced once again due to irresponsible people. I've been here a week already and haven't seen the time pass. In Florida, the state only issues one plate, so I had to decide what to put on the front of the Jaguar that I also refer to as "The Kitty". I put "St. Martin Boys" on the front plate.

Two days ago, I e-mailed Phil after he tried to call me. I told him, "I was outside washing The Kitty". He thought I adopted another cat and was bringing it back to St. Martin to add to our already large collection of family pets. lol lol lol I was hysterical laughing. The he realized I was washing the car. Oh well, it's not easy being me or being with me.....LOL LOL Is Phil lucky or what...? After 14 years of being together, you would think that he'd be use to me.....ha ha ha

So, What has been happening and what has transprired in my life.......? Here we go.......

--I've finished work for another year and on vacation for 5 weeks in Florida.

--A brother I hadn't spoken to in 24 years has re-entered my life.

--A sister that doesn't like Phil (for whatever her reason) other than ignorance has found out where Phil & I bought our house in Florida and bought a house 1 mile away. ugh!

--Phil & I gave up our favorite drink for now....wine.....ugh!

--I bought an Isuzu Amigo in Avon Park, Florida that I'm shipping back to St. Martin at the end of the month.

--Old Friends and Classmates from High School have re-contacted me through Facebook. Even my high school principal has contacted me asking me how my life is....I was impressed.

--My friend Sherry & I are having fun!

Blah Blah Blah

First, my brother George has contacted me through Facebook. We hadn't spoken since my mom died 24 years ago because of words that should never had been spoken as well as other things going on during that terrible time in our lives. As a kid, he was my "big brother" who I loved so much. He was the guy I looked up to, he was the guy who always made sure that I was the first one to ride in all of his new cars, he was the guy who always took me for Carvel Ice Cream to get the cone with sprinkles, he was the guy who always watched out for me when I was in the pool learning how to swim, he was the one who taught me to shoot a bow & arrow into the target, he was the one who taught me how to catch a baseball, "He Was The One....." After my mom died, things were said inappropriately & I silently drifted away from family members, mainly George. The days turned into weeks, the weeks to months and the months to 24 years. We're both stubborn and neither one would budge an inch to make an effort to try to be close again. Well, he made the effort after all of these years and we're catching up on lost time if that is possible. We're learning about each other's lives again and what we've done during the last 1/4 of a century. Time lost, Yes! Time gained now, Maybe! The important thing is that we're speaking again and if all goes well, we should see each other for the first time in August in Florida while I am here.

Second, Since I met Phil, my sister Millie hasn't like Phil from the first day even though she tried to pass it off as she did...yeah right! I think it has to do with the fact that she blames Phil for (in her mind), taking me out of the country. It also has to do with the fact that we live near Phil's sisterin St. Martin and I think she's jealous! Who knows what she thinks? I don't. All I know is that she makes our life difficult when she is around. We moved away from the house we had next door to her upstate NY because it wasn't possible for Phil or myself to go to the house without her tormenting both of us daily. It's sick! We searched Florida where we wouldn't be found and thanks to "People Search" for $19.99 you can find anybody you want to find. Well, she found us here in Florida, and what did she do.....she bought a house 1 mile away. Is that sick or what? We don't understand the obsession as to why she WON'T allow us to live our lives without her being present? So now, the tormenting "might" return. We're both disgusted as to why she followed us here?

Third, Phil & I were eating & drinking too much wine each day. So, for now, the wine is done and the food is less and more healthy.....! This is true for both of us.

Forth, I needed a new car for the island. My Land Cruiser mechanically is perfect, but the salt air has destroyed my trucks body and it's not worth the expense to repair it.

So, I found this Isuzu Amigo in Avon Park, Florida which is about 2 hours from here. I drove it on Saturday and I'm sending it back to St. Martin at the end of the month so it's there when I get home.

Fifth, Facebook has brought so many highschool friends and childhood friends into my life again. I wasn't too impressed with Facebook at the beginning, but, now I am glad that I signed onto it because of getting back in touch with people.

My friend Sherry are in touch "almost" on a daily basis catching up on years also and enjoying each other's stories and funny moments that we shared years ago. We went to school together and ended up working in the same school teaching. We became closer as time went on and were inseparable and was always there to help each other stand up when times were down. It's Great!

I'm here in Florida for 5 weeks, so I'm sure there will be more to Blog about....LOL