Good Bye, "Our Little Piglet"

When I left St. Maarten on the 6th of July, it never entered my
mind that I would never see you again. You were a little dog that
came into our lives when we didn't need the responsibility of another "little mouth to feed". But, we took you in and how I grew attached to you. You became my little admiration because you were always within the reach of my hand. When I would lay on the couch reading, your head was always on my shoulder, looking at me with love in your eyes. When I was in the pool, your head would always be overhanging the ledge of the pool staring at me. When you ate with your paws around your dish, you would always look left or right to see if I were close to you. You were always by my side when it was time for the 3-4 walks each day into the nights and early mornings before the sun came up over the ocean. You did your "business" and was always first to return to my side while the others were doing their thing. How you would get so excited for the treats and special food on Sunday nights when Phil was off from work. You would eat so much, it was hard for you to breath and you would snort like a little pig which is how you got the name "our little piglet". You were never demanding.
How I wish I could turn the clock back to the 6th of July. I'm so sorry my little friend and I will miss you so much. I am sad today and my heart is hurting and will be for a long time. My tears fall for you unexpectedly and today, I had to leave the room 3 times so nobody would see my pain and my tears. As I write this tribute to you, my face is wet with tears because you are gone and will be missed forever.
I have your collar in the glove compartment of my truck and it will stay there so I have a part of you along side of me, even in death.
"Daddy Phil" is hurting my little friend because his pain and hurt for you is strong. He blames himself for making the descision of taking you to the vet for safe keeping while he joined me in Florida. He didn't know that the veternarian would be so careless with your safety. He didn't mean it. His intentions were good! You were afraid, and ran away, I think. You were lost and in the process, someone chose to NOT care and you were hit. I can only hope that the end was quick and you didn't suffer. I believe in Destiny and I also believe that Destiny is not always fair.
You are gone forever and I will miss you so much my little friend.
You were and always will be, "Our Little Piglet" Rest in Peace My Little Bobby Lee, I'm sorry!

Bobby Lee, aka-Piglet, aka-Little Baloon

I don't know where to start. I decided to go to Florida for the month of July and the first week of August. I felt after the long school year that I had, I just needed some down time. I can honestly say, even though I was alone for most of the time other than when our friend Jane joined me for 9 days of fun and sun, and then Phil joined me unexectedly for 1 week of more fun and sun. We finally found someone to watch our house and pups which allowed Phil some time to get away also. Phil thought that it would be easier for the person to only watch 2 dogs rather than 4 and decided to take Happy and Bobby Lee to the vet for the week that he would join me in Florida, leaving Caramel and Piccola at home. Bobby Lee is and never was a problem for anybody, but, 2 dogs are easier to take care of than 3.
We arrived home on Sunday the 9th of August and I went to pick up Bobby Lee and Happy at the vet on Monday, 10th of August where they had been boarded for the week. I was told by the vet that he "had some bad news for me, that Bobby Lee had been stolen from the front of the vet office while they were cleaning the cages". Apparently, the vet attaches the dogs in the sun to spikes in the ground while his staff cleans the cages. Nobody was watching the dogs in the front. I told Phil and the search has begun. We have put flyers on both the Dutch and French sides of the island, a good and dear friend Barbara has contacted her friends on Facebook as well as here on the island to inform them of what happened and they are all searching for Bobby Lee also. Phil has gone on the radio to explain the situation on air, over 100 flyers have been posted publically, newspaper has posted photos and info about Bobby Lee. I've even gone to "gang members" today in French Quarter to ask them for help in finding her. We are offering a reward as well.
I'm not a woos by no means, but, my heart is broken. I've cried unexpectedly during the days and the tears have fallen down my cheeks more than they have in 5 years. I cry myself to sleep hoping that whoever has her or had her hasn't hurt her in any way or if they still have her that they are not abusing her. This is a beautiful island, but, there are people who don't like dogs and dogs have been taken to never be seen again. I try not to think of the worst, but, the thoughts do enter my mind. At times, I am optimistic and other times, I feel as though I have done something terribly wrong to have lost this animal for no reason.
The last time I saw "My Little Piglet" (because when it is hot, she snorts like a pig to breath), was on Monday, the 6th of July. I'm sure that she was already confused that I wasn't around to walk her, feed her play with her and just be there when she lays her head on my arm while I am reading a book.
I am sad, my heart is breaking and I want her back at home where she belongs. I feel as though I too, have abandonned her.
I don't know how people can cope losing something they love so much to people who will never take care of her as we did. Already she has been through so much in her short life of already being abandonned 2 years ago when we found her. Now stolen just for the sake of having a beautiful dog, not caring of what these thieves are doing to the dog or to us emotionally. There are so many dogs & puppies that need homes on this island, why do people continue to steal dogs that are already owned by others?
We hope and wish each day that we get her back safely and as soon as possible. I will never forget this vacation of July 2009 with the memories and loss of My Little Piglet. I am so sorry Bobby Lee. If there is a God, please make sure that the person or persons that have her will find it in their hearts to call us and bring her back to us where she belongs.

Shooting Stars & Making Wishes

I'm writing about "shooting stars" or "falling stars" because I see them everyday & every night when I walk the pups on their early morning walks or evening walks on the beach. I usually walk them around 8:30-9:00pm and sometimes as early as 5:00am prior to leaving for work. Obviously our walks are in the darkness. These walks are different than those during the day when I'm home. I don't recall seeing such beautiful falling stars at anytime when I lived in the states. For me, living on St. Maarten, I know that with every walk, for the most part, I will see at least one falling from the sky. Most of the time, I can see up to 4 or 5 during one walk.
Why am I writing about stars one might ask because it is a strange topic to write about some might say. Well, with the New Year almost here, we have a tendency to make New Year's Resolutions; "out with the old and in with the new". Making wishes for dreams to come true.
As children, we're taught that everytime you see a falling star, you have to make a wish & someday your wish will come true.

I guess I make hundreds of wishes during the year because I see so many falling stars during the year. Lucky me? I'm not sure yet! But, I know that I have what I've always wished for during my life. I guess maybe my wishes do come true and have come true over the years or maybe I'm just fortunate.

I've known people to make wishes for money, prosperity & material things that money can buy. People have a tendency to wish for a "good life" and an "easy life". duh duh!

I guess I fell into that when I lived in the states. For me now....I wish for my health, my happiness, my security with Phil as a couple, my life with Phil for the future, and the happiness of our families & friends as well. I don't wish for "the things" that people think will make our lives happier or more money that will buy us a "better life". That is not what wishes are for in my opinion. Wishes for me; are for Dreams, Life, Future Expectations, Anticipations of the unknown, Simplicity, Wishing for Peace, Security and Happiness of a Couple, Good Health, and most of all, Wishing for the Best of our Family & Friends! This New Year 2009, I have so many wishes already. I won't reveal them, but a little advise for all of us. When we wish upon a star, we all need to stay positive when we are down, keep our dreams close, have few expecatations so we are not dissappointed if they don't happen, wish for other people rather than for ourselves and hold our wishes close. I will say that I Always wish for positive things to happen in our lives & I wish for good things to happen to people. I end my Blog today in this way:

Starlight star bright poem

Star Light Star bright,
The first star I see tonight,
I wish I may,
I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.

To all who read my Blog & to All those who don't, I wish a Happy and Healthy New Year 2009.

Fun with the kids.

Today was a day with the kids on a trip. We went Kayakking in the Simpson Bay Lagoon and then out into the ocean. It was a calm day to be on the water;very little wind, the sea was flat like a lake. It was a great day for the kids. Not all of them showed up today for some strange reason, but, overall, we had a great time. Kyakking was first and then to the beach & then I treated them to lunch at Marc's Place Restaurant. It was my gift for the holidays to them. I'm going to "eventually" buy myself a Kyak so that I can enjoy the water on the weekends when I have time to enjoy the sea. It's quiet & tranquil as well as see the island from the water.

This week was a long week for me due to meetings, preparing for next week parent meetings and the list goes on & on....In any event, today was a nice way to end the week for the kids as well as myself. A few more days & I'll be on vacation for almost 2 weeks. I'm tired, so it'll be well deserved to just sit back & relax & read some books.

Here's a piece of my Daily Paradise...

I just wanted to share a piece of my Daily Paradise with those of you who think that Island Life is "just peachy". Believe it or not, I wouldn't change my life right now for anything. Yesterday, we decided it was time to see what the students carried on them to school. So, the Police were invited in to conduct a search on both boys & girls because most people "assume" that only "the boys" are the problems. Below you will be able to read about what was found & what was taken by the Police to get the things out of the hands of these kids.
Remember, I'm dealing with 14-21 year old students each day and there are 220 students enrolled at my school. The students were not informed that the Police were going to arrive, enter every classroom and search bodies as well as back packs that the kids use to carry their ummmm, books! Weapons were found, (no guns) mostly knives, machetes, double edge knives used for "slicing" in both directions-left & right on the swing up and then down.
Why would the kids carry these weapons you might be asking yourself? Alot of these kids have Societal Pressures that if they aren't fighters, then they become the Victims of the Stronger Ones. We do have gangs on the island and I know that I have Gang Members in class. I've been confronted a few times, challenged, had a student put his chest up to mine and was looking for a reaction. He was suprised to see that I actually put more pressure on his chest with mine and advanced towards him rather than him advance on me. We stared each other in the eyes for about 1 minute, (it felt like and hour & felt it wouldn't end positively) still maintaining the pressure on each other's chest. Eventually, through (I think) Respect that the other one wasn't going to back down, he sat down and kept his respect as I did mine. Had I backed down, eventually I would have had to deal with the other 12 boys in that class at some point in the future. The last thing I could do was to not back back down and lose all of their respect. On the way out, he shook my hand and patted me on the shoulder. Since then, no probem and he started to work on the assignments.
I can honestly say that I have "almost" ALL of those kids Respect in the entire school. There are a few who still want to challenge, but, most of the kids warn the individual that I won't back down from them if they start something.
I am not a bulley by any means and I am certainly not stupid. But, I do know that these kids need somebody to watch out for them, show them that I care by a pat on the back and a Good Morning at the gate and entrance Everyday! These kids now shake my hand, give me a Boop, (which is where the kids touch knuckles to your hand in a closed fist). Some kids will even give me a hug around the shoulders and ask me if I'm doing okay?
I honestly care about these kids and I think, (I hope) they know it through my actions. They know that my door is Always Open for them, to come in and speak to me if they have something to talk about because most of the time, nobody listens at home. They know what is said, stays with me unless it involves something where they could get hurt or somebody else. I've even had kids that I know are in gangs, come in and cried like a baby because someboy at home told him outright that he was "worth nothing in life" the night before.
I Love these kids believe it or not. I'm learning about what these kids have to deal with in their private lives at home and what they have to deal with each day.
Weapons is NOT the answer. We've had discussions about the weapons in school and hopefully they will choose another path, rather than a path of aggression and crime. I can only try my best to let them know they have "other options" in Life!

Trivial Pursuit

Last night the satellite was down for some reason, possibly a storm interfering with reception. Here it was another Sunday night, Phil is off and the satellite is down. ugh! So, we decided to play Trivial Pursuit 25th Year Aniversary Editionthat we ordered a few weeks ago from Hasbro Toy Company. Those of you who played the Old Version of Trivial Pursuit are in for a BIG surprise as to the rules of the new game. Questions are well thought out and a lot of research went into the making of this game, questions as well as the rules. We played for a few hours, laughing and joking about some of the questions & their answers. I'm not a Wings Band fan, so of course I answered those wrong. Phil, not knowing who Axel Rose is from Guns & Roses answered those questions wrong. on and on, laugh and laugh....Did you know the World's Top Ten Largest Mountain Ranges are ALL located in China? Questions range from 1-6; 1 being the easiest & 6 being the "more challenging" questions. Of course, after rolling the dice, most of mine landed on a 5 or a 6 giving me the more difficult questions. Overall, there are a few hundred cards and thousands of questions. The end result is that Phil won the game on a question from the 1 category. lol
Those of you who like games, challenges and a night of laughs, go out and get yourself the new edition of Trivial Pursuit 25th Aniversary Edition. It's a good night to share with your best buddy! lol

What Have I Been Doing....?

It's been a while that I've even looked at my Blog, never mind even think about writing. It's True, "timing is everything".

For the past month, yes a month has passed already, I've been taking care of myself ALOT! I've been busy at work teaching and with the "new title" of "Director of English", I guess you could say, I have my time laid out for me at work. I've been putting book orders in for the next school year, working with my director for budgeting costs for next year. I've been asking for donations from businesses for picnic tables for the school and just had a generous offer from ACE MegaCenter in Cole Bay to give the school 6 picnic tables for the kids. Now, they will have proper place to sit outside and talk, eat or relax. These kids are/were sitting on cement blocks and trash cans. Next, I will be looking for donations for 20 computers with printers for research for the kids. That will be difficult!

BUT, I still find time for myself. Phil's rarely home and when he is, we eat a late lunch and then he's off to sleep until he has to leave for work at 6:30 to whenever! I still visit him at night at Captain Olie's for a few hours or we wouldn't see each other that much. The staff of workers are great as well.

I've lost almost 20 pounds with walking, exercise and doing away with the SWEEETS! lol Occasionally, I take a spoon of Phil's desert, whatever it might be and then I feel sick and realize that my body doesn't need the sugar anymore.

I've started my Intermediate or second course in French and received a diploma from the first session and I can honestly say, "I'm Proud of myself for studying French and continuing on to the next level". Speaking and Writing the language is becoming almost my first thoughts when I speak now or have to write something. A student asked me a few days ago what I wrote on the board because I didn't realize that I wrote the directions in French. ugh!

I've been walking from Oyster Pond to French Quarter and back "almost everyday". I feel Great and the clothes are fitting much looser also. lol I feel better and I don't even see the distance anymore. I listen to my Ipod and just keep walking.

And I've started growing Pineapples. Yes, Pineapples. Since I'm the one who's now maintaining most of the chores at the house; yard, animals and cooking due to Phil's work schedule; everytime I go shopping and have to throw the vegetables tops or bottoms as well as the fruits away, I started to think that maybe I can start growing them and not waste them.

Our good friend's Barbara and Dee, Barbara calls Dee "her gardener". Well, I guess Phil now has his own garderner also. Our yard is starting to look like a potted nursery.

I buy alot of Pineapples because they're healthy and natural sugars that give the energy a person needs when exercising as much as I am doing. I started researching on the internet about pineapple growing and found that they are one of the "most difficult plants to grow as well as a 2 year period to arrive at 1 fruit". It takes approximately 2 years to grow one pineapple, so you need to be patient. The tops need to be trimmed and cut a certain way to allow the roots to grow.

You can see the progress so far that I accomplished with my plants.

It takes about 3-4 weeks for the rooting to start in the glass of water. PATIENCE is the key when growing pineapples. Just when you're ready to give up, out pops a root at the bottom of the pineapple top and you think WOW!

Aside from the pineapples plants, I've attepted to grow leak and garlic as well as onions, but the cats have been attacking those plants and using the pots as their potty. Nice! I have to find another way to grow them and keep the cats away.

Everything is good here and as you can see, I'm busy doing things for me for a change! Stay tuned for more of my Saga in the Caribbean!

Busy Working and Flying from tree to tree.....

Well, it's been a long time again since even thinking about the Blog. I've been extremely busy with work as well as my French Class on Mondays and Wednesdays. A few more sessions of this course and I'll be starting my second course in French. I'm doing well and quite proud of myself for my accomplishment.

I've been busy at work also. Between teaching and Academic Advising of the teachers for curriculum, it's quite hectic. My days are not as long as they use to be.

I've done another trip/excursion with my students. Flying from the trees on 1000 foot cables at 350 feet above the trees.

This time I took them to Lotterie Farm and did the Fly Zone Experience-The Ultimate Course. This is the highest of all three courses and the cables that you fly on between trees extend in some parts of the course to over 1000 feet long and up to 350 feet above the tree tops. What an experience and the ultimate rush. The course invloves cables, cable bridges and ladders up and down trees that lasts over 2 hours to complete the course. A work glove on the left hand is your brake. FANTASTIC EXPERIENCE! I would advise everybody to do this so that you can test yourself and experience the thrill of a life! My students couldn't believe as well as myself that we were doing the things we were doing.

It was a Great Day!

As for Phil, he's working, working, working! He loves being the new manager of Captain Oliver's and I think people will start calling him "Captain" soon because he's always there. There are ovious changes and everyday is a new adventure for him. He's been given full authority and unlimited power as to what he wants to do at Captain Oliver's. New menus, new decoration, new ideas, and the staff loves him. I have my bar stool that "I've claimed to be mine" when I visit each night at 9pm to observe the excitement of what goes on.

I have plenty of time for myself now. There are lots of walks on the beach with the pups and time to read and just relax when I am at home and not working. I have 5 days off from work and I'm going to enjoy every minute. I'm going to catch up on my reading and just enjoy the days and take the pups to the beach as much as possible. The construction of the new development is rising in front of the house and there are now more obstacles to get to the beach. It was once easy to walk out the door and onto the beach, but now, there's construction equipment, construction material etc. etc. Not very nice for a piece of land that was once so beautiful and natural.

I'll try to write more with less time in between my writings as long as time allows.

Sleep, Rest and Relax....

Have you ever thought about taking time for yourself? I mean to just be able to STOP everything and say, "HEY, I'M TIRED!" As I continue to add more responsibility to my already hectic schedule, I'm becoming more work-a-holic and less time for me!

At work, I've added 4 more classes to my already busy schedule. WHY?

This is why......!

There are 2 groups of children, approximately 34 students who, since the beginning of the school year has had NO ENGLISH CLASSES due to a teacher who is out on leave. Yes, you read that correctly; NO English Classes at all since the beginning of the year. Three and a half months......

I see these kids sitting around everyday outside of the classes on the benches during their scheduled English Class everyday. I spoke with the Administrator and asked him if I could have permission to fill in my free classes, which would normally be used for prep for my classes. He was "surprised" that one of his teachers would actually ask for more class time and more responsibility. No attempts have been made to replace the teacher because she is one of the "Born Here Teachers" who's job is secured, WITH pay until she decides as to when she wants to return. Teachers are in short supply on St. Maarten, so there isn't anyone to replace her; if they could replace her.

I told him that I would take the 4 classes during my free/prep classes and teach them English.

Well, he said, "yes of course", still confused when he passes my classes and once in a while asks, "How are you holding up?" I tell him, "everything is fine and going well." Which in all honesty IS true. The kids are great and finally working in English. And, I'm meeting another group of kids at the school.

Teachers are asking me each day as to why I would want to add more classes to an already hectic schedule and, that I am just making the administrations job easier.

Well, discreet as I am and professionally as possibly, my resonse is this;

"This isn't about EGO or about making an administrator's job easier or looking for anything in return, it's about the kids that are being neglected in a system bigger than them and ultimately will pay the price of their education from the acts of people who know how to use the sytem to their benefit....."

I won't lie, I'm tired, no, let me rephrase that, I'm totally Fucking Exhausted, running on air, have become a work-a-holic like my previous life in NY.

As you know, I'm taking a French Class on Monday and Wednesday nights in Marigot from 6:30pm-9:00pm. My day starts at 4:15am and I might make it to bed by 11:00pm.

I'm not complaining; I took the responsibility for myself for the benefit of the kids.

The French Class is for me and my own educational and personal benefit.

Phil is busy with getting his life back in order and I might add, he's doing GREAT!

Maybe that's why I'm working harder each day and adding responsibility to my busy schedule.

Our daily lives continue each day to a different beat now. When I am home with Phil, he's in the office and I'm somewhere in another part of the house working or studying a book of some sort either in French or English, in one language or another.....lol (Maybe this is MY Therapy?) I also became a work-a-holic after my mom died to get through the ordeal and I realize now; I see a pattern here! Work, Work, Work!

I'm looking forward to the Christmas Break starting on the 22nd of December for 2 wonderful weeks. I'm looking forard to catching up on some long needed and well deserved REST!

Stay tuned for more of my Life's Saga's.

TOTALLY Unprofessional....!

Well, it's been a while again. Busy with work and helping Phil at the restaurant at night doesn't leave me much time for posting on the Blog. Another new SAGA in my life this past week. I know I mentioned at the beginning of my re-entering the teaching profession that my opinion of the people I work with is a "positive one", and all of the teachers are "professional" and there for the kids. My opnion has changed regarding ONE so-called teacher.
Well, I learned recently that my classroom which is or was a computer lab in the past, CAN and IS Controlled by "another teacher", who is the Computer Teacher and teaches Computer Technician Study & Repair. Apparently, the entire school computer system is ONE Network; including the computers in the Administrator's Office. The Computer Teacher can view anything going on in any parts of the school where there are computers....Imagine that.....! He has a program that can shut down any computer within the Network, View ANY Computer and with the push of his finger, shut the computer down, view ALL Information on the screen, saved material, including outgoing e-mails prior to them being sent. Phil and I checked with a professional computer agency, and they confirmed that "as ONE Network all information is "up for Grabs by the Administrator of the Computers", which in this school, is the Computer Teacher.
I suspected "a Spy" on line when Phil did not receive a few e-mails, the computer arrow "moving by itself" while I was using the computer for school purposes; tests, quizes, prepared notes for the kids etc. I thought I needed a new mouse. Duh! I pulled the main cable going into the little blue box, therefore Stopping Internet Access as well as ALL Access to the class in an "Attempt" to STOP the Spying on my room.
As suspected, he sent students to my class during class time to "check the system", in which they were told to plug the blue cable back into the little blue box, giving him; once again, Access to the Computers in my room. Guess what happened again....? The arrow on my computer started to move "by itself", therefore proving my point that "the Big Bully" WAS indeed watching again.
I had a meeting with the Administrator, who then called a meeting with the NEANDERTHAL, who of course denied doing any wrong-doings. He was told to "STOP" by the Administrator and that "at no point is the room to be watched, internet access denied for any reason etc. etc." The learning of the students took priority to his behavior.
Well, that lasted one day and I haven't had internet access for the class in a week and a half. The arrow continues to search for any movement or information that I might be using the computer for at any given movement.
My question is this: "When does this Neanderthal of an Ass find time to teach the kids if he is obsessed with what I am doing in my class?"
Apparently, he Bullies new Teachers or get this "non island people" and tries to force them out from his "harrassment techniques". Eventually, the new teachers leave and either go to another school or they just resign. Can you Imagine?
I also, learned from other collegues, that as bad as this sounds; People who have a BH Degree, (not my words; these are words from collegues), that people with a BH Degree have "special priveledges", rarely reprimanded, Can take UNLIMITED Sick time and ALOT of things are overlooked. NEVER QUESTIONED. I can't count the days that teachers were out since school started. The worse part is that there are NO substitue teachers availalble to fill in when teachers are absent. The kids are left roaming the property, sitting outside and making noise while classes are going on.
Well, this Computer Neanderthal has a BH Degree. What does this BH Degree mean?
BORN HERE........ Need I say more?
I will not give into this Moron Neanderthal ASS! I will not give up on the kids which is the reason why I went back to teaching. He doesn't realize that he's dealing with a New Yorker!! lol I keep my New York Attitude in it's place, but, when it is necessary to deal with morons like this, I don't need to use my temper or anything else, just my Wit and suvival instincts and stay 20 steps ahead of his noncense. It's sad that the island has POOR ROLE MODELS such as this NEANDERTHAL. But, as a professional, I keep my head up, do my job, and avoid this ASS.
As for the Spying on the computers; I'm working on it............!!!!!!!! lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

Computers are a wonderful invention and creation as long as they are used in a way that doesn't hurt or diminish the ability of another individual. In this case, he is looking for something that he might be able to use against me for whatever his motive.
As far as I can see; because my life is NOT an OPEN book as so many people have a tendency to do here in St. Maarten; I share ONLY what I CHOOSE to share and everything else is irrelevent!
I'm the "mystery of the school." I go in, do my job, socialize in a professional mater.
People have stopped asking personal questions, people have stopped telling me where they hang out on Friday & Saturday nights, if I would like to join them. I politely say, "I have prior comitments."
So, maybe he feels it necessary to continue to "Probe" and find out anything about my life, so he can report to those still pursuing the "mystery man". I call it DISCRETION!

A "weight" we go....

Okay, I know, I know.....2 weeks without writing. With test preparation, testing week and grading, well, not much time for Blogging. So, tonight as "most" other nights, I began my evening exercises. It's going well, however, age, the love of eating "kind of" slows down the process of "weight control".

Tonight I decided to run and take a break from the bike; Not on the street because I don't pay attention to the cars, trucks, motorcycles because I am too into my Mory Kante' Yekki Yekki music as well as my club music that sets me a running.
Those of you who have read Phil's Blog; you know that we found, or should I say, "she found us", Bobby Lee, the new member of the family, who "just happens" to be in HEAT....... (love those girls) Caramel is a "bit frustrated" to say the least.......
While running in place near the pool in the yard, (not ready to run in the neighborhood just yet!), Le Petit Prince, aka Caramel decided that he was going to smell Bobby Lee's Butt through my legs, remember, I'm LOST in the music. Before I know it, I'm down on the ground, almost in the pool with all family member's stairing down at me with confusion on their faces.

For me, I have know F***king idea what just happened and I go to get up and I find that BOTH calf muscles are pulled or strained or irritated from running and falling. Talk about a workout!

I'm still struggling with losing weight. I'm down, yes down, to 206 from 220 pounds. I found that even though workout shorts are great for walking the dogs on the beach and comfortable around the house, I also find it "not so good to eat" wearing them, because they have a tendency to stretch and you NEVER know when to stop because there is NO top botton to open.....duh! duh! duh! They just keep stretching like surran wrap.
So now, I am walking like I had a "good night out with the boyz" laugh, laugh, and all I did was fall because Caramel had to sniff & lick Bobby Lee's Butt through my legs. The SAGA continues! It's not easy being me!!!! lol lol lol

Stay tuned for more life and crazy things that can only happen to me!

Depression.....

My Therapy Session for Myself....today!
Well, I tried to avoid this topic, but I think it's time to share my feelings about Depression. I'm not Depressed, just sad for the situation.

We've been through alot this year, me on the side; Phil dealing directly with the loss of his mom and the descision of closing of the restaurant has certainly taken it's toll on Phil.

As people; some are strong, weak, tolerant, etc., we all deal with depression in so many different ways. When my mom died or when I separated from a 12 1/2 year relationship, (not by choice)I dealt with my depression by becoming a work-a-holic. It didn't change the situation, but it certainly kept me busy and helped to not think about the "situation at hand" at that time in my life. (I was 24 years old when my mom died and 30 years old when I separated.)
I learned how to go through it - (most of the time alone), and I survived. A void with my mom is always present, but, I accpeted that "Death is the price we pay for Living", and we move on.

We don't control when or how we die, or when we are forced to make descisions beyond our control; and probably would choose not to, when it did come time, but, this is the reality of life, isn't it?

In my situation, (it's not about me), but, I have to be careful to not let the "present situation" bring me down. I accept my time at home or in the car in "almost quiet", "none communication". The laughter has limitations and the happiness that once existed has become more forced...
I've learned how to be Extremely Independent and have been through a lot in my 46 years of life. Phil is going through a lot and I have become quiet more than I would like to be, but, when your partner can't talk about his thoughts, you know it's better to be quiet than to pry.

We've been through alot over the many years that we've been together and learned how to be tolerant of each other's moods of sadness, grouchiness, or just our moods on certain days. This time, it's more serious and my approach is to just stay silent, on the side waiting patiently. Talking about the situation isn't an option now. This is the only way, for now, to deal with depression without becoming depressed myself. Afterall, what can be said when the person shuts down, closes himself off and is trying to move on with his life?

We've had happier times in our life, and for now I feel that Our Life is on Hold! We're not doing the things we used to do, nor are we as close as we used to be, when I thought this was the time to rely on each other more closely.... So, I end my Blog Writing today with some definitions of Depression... and what some of my days are like now that I have learned to adjust to yet another uncontrollable situation in my life.....


What Changes Are Noticeable?
Some changes may be subtle but others will more clearly indicate that depression is likely present in your loved one. Energy levels can change a great deal when depression is present. Your loved one may be highly excitable and restless or may be quiet and sluggish. Moods can change quickly, with a 'high' mood of happiness and energy one minute, and a sudden change to a 'low' mood of misery and hopelessness. Your loved one may also feel extremely negative about his or her appearance and worth as a person. It can seem confusing to you when you see a capable and intelligent person but your loved one sees him or herself as useless and unaccomplished. Some of the other symptoms you may initially notice are that your loved one is:
Helping Both of You
Depression can really keep your loved ones from enjoying life to the fullest and they are fortunate to have a person who cares about their well-being. When a loved friend or family member suffers from depression, you can provide support and warmth but don't forget that a loved one's depression can take its toll on you as well. If you find you are having trouble handling your worry and distress over a loved one's behaviour and feelings, then consider joining a support group or talking to a friend or counsellor. It's important to remember that while you're providing care and support for your loved one, you don't want to stop caring for yourself
Depression due to bereavement may occur when grief becomes overwhelming persistent and prevents a person from functioning in a normal capacity. Grief refers to the emotions, thinking patterns and actions that someone exhibits following the loss of a loved one. There is no one way of coping with the death of a loved one and people react to the death of a close friend or family member in different ways. Factors such as the relationship to the deceased as well as your own personality and views on death will all impact how you handle grief. Grief may also worsen during certain times of the year, such as holidays, birthdays or anniversaries, when you are perhaps reminded of the deceased.
Grief Phases
Grief tends to occur in different stages and these involve:
Shock, confusion and disbelief at the news
Acute pain, devastation and sadness as reality hits
Slow resolution and healing
Positive thinking is not something that comes naturally to many people. It involves a certain attitude and mindset that are committed to growth development and successful behaviours.
This type of attitude is one of optimism, rather than pessimism.
A positive way of thinking embraces:
Good health
Happiness
Positive outcomes
Encouragement
Negative thinking devotes itself to:
Defeatist attitudes
Unhappiness
Poor faith
Frustration Over time

It's unbelieveable how many different types, forms of Depression exists in the world....

Registering A Vehicle on the Island,,,ugh!

Okay, here we go with another "saga in the life of Bill on the Island of St. Maarten/St. Martin.

I saw this 1986 Toyota Land Cruiser on the side of the Airport Road for a few months, neglected and in need of some, a few, ALOT of repairs. I spoke to the seller of the truck, a worker at Thrifty who was selling the car for a Medical Student who had gone back to Michigan a year ago, leaving his truck behind to be sold.

My first inquiry; the owner was asking $3000 for the 1986 Land Cruiser. I said, "yeah right, I don't think so." We needed a second vehicle now being that our schedules were different. I wanted a used, fairly good shape vehicle and most of all; RELIABLE! As my search continued for the criteria I was looking for, and seeing what people were selling, I said, "absolutely NOT"! I didn't want a new car or new truck and I didn't want to deal with Dealer Mark-ups! I'm Basic and my life is simple here in St. Maarten and why complicate it with a new vehicle?

I eventually e-mailed the seller directly and made him an offer..."$1200 for the truck as is and I'll take it away." My mechanic test drove it and said the turbo diesel engine was solid as was the rest of the truck and just "minor repairs would get this beast up and running." He was right. A month in the shop and this baby was purring like a little lion cub...

Now the Registering Part: Phil & I wanted to register the truck on the French side. While I was working, Phil was spending his days, yes days, going to the Dutch Police for authorization that the truck "was not stolen and we had bought it legitimately". (first stamp of ownership) Then off to the insurance to prove we went to the police for the legal authorization of ownership. (second stamp of approval) Then off to the French side. Technical control for the inspection, Pass...(third stamp of approval), almost there....right.....! Then the last stop for authorization to get the plates was a stop at one of the Sous Prefet's office for the legality of the vehicle from Dutch side to French side. Well, first day, Phil needed more sigantures. More running around. (not there yet), second day back to the Sous Prefet's office, "no, not acceptable". For some reason, Little Ms. Power Hungry at the Sous Prefet's office didn't believe we aquired this vehicle legally and she wanted to, get this; "meet the previous owner in person to ask him personally if he sold us the vehicle." So, we weren't going to fly Mr. Medical Student back to St. Martin for an interview with Ms. Power Hungry-Prejudice against Boys in Love, so off to the Dutch Side for Registering. First stop, Inspection, then to the Island Receiver's Office for the Official Papers saying I own the vehicle in question and to be assigned the number plates, then back to the inspection station to get the official Inspection Card with the number of the plate on the card, then back to the Island Receiver's Office to get the actual plates.....ugh! **Note: there is about 2 miles with ALOT of traffic between the Island Receiver's Office and the Inspection Center which took almost 2 1/2 hours to finalize the papers of this back and forth, back and forth.

Finally, it's official, I own the truck and driving it legally on the road. Not too bad for a week long project to Register One Vehicle. How I Love St. Maarten/St. Martin.....

Fat is the Topic of the Day...

So, here's a new topic compared to the usual ones I write about. A few nights ago at the restaurant, our cook made some extra food for Phil and me to try. Of course I was the first one to the dish and kitchen window and started eating, not thinking about anything, other than wanting to eat; mostly due to boredom; I guess. Phil was along side of me and made a statement...."what is it with you and food...."? Well, to my surprise, he was right. I have this thing with food where I love to eat, pick and when bored, do more than pick...if you know what I mean. I Love to Eat, Period! As I get older, now 46, I find myself not as active as I use to be and the weight keeps getting the better of me. I've levelled off at 210 pounds, but at 5'10" and 46 years old, it's not muscle anymore by no means. ugh! When I met Phil 12 years ago, I was 31 waste and 170 pounds. Wow, those were the days......ha ha ha "I wonder if I was this weight then and look the way I look now, would I be here with him today"?....right, I don't think so....!

I try walking with music; I get bored after a few days, I ride the bike with music; I get bored again after a few days. I do work for school with a bowl of chips next to me and a coke and guess what; I don't get bored...ha ha ha

I've tried fatreducing pills, fat burners as they call them, but, you have to exercise along with taking these "miracle drugs", all legal of course. I've tried calorie reduction pills, fat reducers where the fat doesn't stay in your body after you eat...blah blah blah, guess what my conclusion is....?"It's all BULLSHIT with a Capitals BS and I'm keeping my weight and the nutrition stores in St. Maarten and the Vitamin Shoppe in America is getting richer and calling me STUPID! "Keep eating you idiot!"

So, after waking up this morning with my back thrown out once more because of a bad movement in bed, because of my weight and not being able to move easily anymore, (and not for fun where at least I could have an excuse the next day and say to myself that "it was worth it to throw my back out", but that's not the case. I threw my back out because I've gained weight over the last year. I lay on the beach and have difficulty getting up off the sand.

So, today I start once again with the wonderful idea of losing weight, watching what I eat; and not watching what I eat as I shovel it in my mouth; I mean REALLY watching what I eat, how I eat and making a very strong attempt to not get bored while exercising. My weight as of today is 210 pounds and my goal is to lose 30 pounds. I'm not sure how long this goal is going to take, but at least now I have a goal. I want to be 180 pounds in the near future. It won't be easy because it means giving up almost everything in every food groups that I enjoy, but, I now realize that my health has to be the priority and I have to stop increasing my pants size and buying new clothes every 6 months.

So, wish me luck and I'll keep you posted.